SHOCKERS SHUNDAY
"Holy hammered horse shit! I am so proud of these ass wipes for playing the way that they are. I was a little worried about this game based on the standings but I guess I should just trust the team!" Sears stated as soon as Hiney walked up to him to interview him.
The Shockers crushed the Spartans this Sunday 16 to 3. Another superb performance by pitcher Steve Jay. "He is pitching like he is twenty years old and I am glad that he is using all of his pitches, " said Sears. "I think he has increased his speed by at least 5 to 10 miles an hour from last year." Jay stated in his subtle manner as always, "Just give me the ball so I can start sitting them down. I mean I gotta give the team some credit because they are not making as many errors this year but seriously, I'm pretty bad ass." Jay is more than likely going to see the hill against the Grizzlies next week but Sears has a decision to make about whether or not to rest Jay because they have the also undefeated team the Mudkittens, I mean the Mudcats the following Sunday.
The Shockers were being accused of running up the score especially when third baseman Jeff "Shit Slow" Cislo took second on a pass ball when they were up by ten. "Guess the catcher should have caught the ball then. I mean he is a catcher right? Catch the ball or I'll run on you all day," Shit Slow said with a piece a Double Bubble in his mouth.
Sears said, "Hey, no doubt Jay is pitching great but Marziano sure has come a long way from when he was picked up at the HIV camp. He has gotten healthy over the past 2 1/2 years and he is calling a great game and very defensive behind the plate." Marziano said, "Ya know the HIV doesn't go away but sucking does (no pun intended) as long as you work hard and have a snout like mine."
There was an injury scare when third baseman Jim "JK" Kelly dove for a ball that was blooped to him. "I didn't know what to do so I did the first thing that came to my mind, which of course is to fall on my food blister. I am not sure if I dove or fell over but it hurt my tummy." Kelly further explained, "I'm glad my gut didn't look like Davis's scabbed up shin that he screwed up during a sally game of softball." Outfielder Tad Davis was unavailable to make a comment because he was an anti-social deuch after the game and left the park immediately, while the rest of the team enjoyed burgers and beers in the park.
Sears finished up by saying, "Ya know we are hot right now but this is baseball and anything can happen. I have a couple changes coming up that I have to think about. We can always be better including Jay but I just want these tit jockies to keep stroking the ball."
The Shockers face the Grizzles on Sunday at 9am at Alameda International High School. They are also making an appearance at Founders Park after the game to sign autographs, drink beer, have burgers and have sex with anyone that wants to as long as you are older than 18. The Shockers are all about giving back to the community and their fans.
GO SHOCKERS!!!!!!!