The Shockers have started out the season with a 2-0 start after beating the Cannons 17 to 10. Starting pitcher, Doug Nolan, pitched a great game with little help from his team who struggled in the field this week. Nolan stated, "Ya know I love these guys but sometimes they just suck. When your as good as I am I just keep loving them and myself even more." Catcher Domnic Marziano said, "Nolan pitched so well I didn't even have to use my nutty buddy, which I'm pissed about because I love how my taint feels when my shit gets pushed in."
Jim Kelly came in for the close and he was scaring manager Marc Sears. Sears said, "I was gonna pull that chump if he F'd up anything and I mean anything. I have to be careful with this team we have been known to blow a ten run lead and Kelly could do it on his own."
First baseman Craig Spader got hit in the cock with a pitch again. Spader explains, "Most guys never get rocked in the cock but it has heppned to me two weeks in a row...... It's kinda cool and the wife is liking it." Sears says he thinks he finally found a spot for third baseman Mike Leaply. Sears explained, "He wanted to sit in the dugout and keep score. I said, hey bro if you grow a vagina will you be the team hoe?"
Jeff Cislo showed up half drunk and thought maybe he could have a Dave Wells day and maybe throw a perfect game but he couldn't get his calf to stop hurting. "I think I have sand in my pants and it is making my axe wound uncomfortable." Wenke looked stronger this week as well making good contact.
Cislo gained the name "Shit slow" this week and a game opener for James Giordano almost went well when he roped a double up the middle. The problem was that he tried to stretch it into a triple while the team was up TEN runs and he was HOSED at third. GIO dropped a routine fly ball and was asked what happened. He stated, "A seagull shit in my eye when I was concentrating."
Sears ended, "The guys are coming together and have great chemistry. chemistry is what wins championships."
The Shockers have Mother's Day off but regain play on May 18, 2014 against the Greensox at Thomas Jefferson High School at 12:30pm.