The Denver Shockers finally got to play on Sunday and they made the most of it. Manager Marc Sears had the traditional response about his team. Sears said, " I have seventeen BITCHES on this team and I can only field 9! Nothing new!"
Sears had to turn to his ace pitcher Steve Jay as he has done for so many years. Jay came out shaky in the first inning giving up three runs ultimately. Shockers catcher Dominic Marziano had an early meeting with Jay stating, "I just told him to relax and think of the goat and the hooker I got for him last week. If you get through this I'll buy you more." Jay must have really liked the goat and hooker because he had a stellar performance with 8 complete innings pitched with 6 K's.
With new players on the roster this year the Shockers are looking good thus far. They brought an american hose dragging hero on the team named Craig Spader. When asked his thoughts he said, "Ya know since I am a hero to america, I can be a hero here to. " Jeff Cislo is a new guy and he cried, "I still don't have a batting average!" Lance Webb game up big in his first game with two hits and a double and he normally doesn't say much. We tried to interview him but he was just hugging Cislo.
Marziano also had to test his new Nutty Buddy and it worked well after he suffered a cock breaking crack to the nuts behind the plate. Leaply was in his true form, bitching and moaning and then winning the game with a double. Lead off hitter Chris Gonzalez aka The Puerto Rican Sweetheart, showed up at the middle of the first and Sears said that he will be fined $10,000 and he has to give center fielder Tad Davis a reach around.
Sears finalized the interview and said, "That he is excited about this year but Spader needs a first basemans glove because if he drops another ball his hose will get dragged through a bed of broken glass. Cislo needs a batting average and new comer Ryan Wenke shouldn't shave because maybe that will make him feel like a man so that he swings like one."
The Shockers face the Cannons this Sunday at 9AM at Alameda High School and the starter is to be determined.